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Older Hash Trash 2007



Run #   What Happened?!     RE-HASH Photos
1181 - Sept 17/07 The Two for One R*n

Hares:
  Tie Me Up & Clogged Nozzle
It was yet another warm and sunny eve...
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1180 - Sept 10/07 Heading for the East Again R*n

Hares:
  Hotflash & Peter Eat Her
It was another warm and sunny eve...
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1179 - Sept 3/07 2nd Annual Closing the Cottage, Emptying the Fridge, Goodbye to Road-kill R*n

Hares:
  Call Girl & Bobbit
It was a warm and sunny eve...
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1178 - Aug 27/07 The Gourmet Vultures R*n

Hare:
  Fat Ass
A big crowd of hungry vultures hovered around Fat Ass’s kitchen and invaded his yard, dipping into the big bucket of iced beer upon arrival and binding their time until they could put their claws into the infamous food that Fat Ass is known to feast hashers with. Chinese explanations of trail signs were as confusing as the translation Double Fisted provided on peeing in circles for others to check, on Xtra big trail defouling, on Humping and other exercises. All confusion vanished when two BNs were announced (no translation required). On-On to the run, since we must, and quickly to the On-In for more beer and food at last! What would hashing become if we only had congratulations for the hare? So, in true hashing spirit, the run was rated mediocre, and the banquet copious enough for all rapacious appetites. Have You, who quit the motherland after discovering the hash in the colonial capital, could not believe his luck on this, his first r*n as a returnee to OH3.
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1177 - Aug 20/07 The Old, the Faithful and the New R*n

Hares:
  Big Shit & Pony Malta
Over 40 hashers turned up in Pony Malta’s beautifully landscaped garden, striking panic among some of us who just come for the food and social drinking, and turn up late to avoid running and get more beer as sure punishment in the circle. Big Shit announced a short trail, but we all know his name and did not trust him. Turned out he was right, even if he cleverly misled PJ, who’s getting FRB reinforcement with El Tucuche and his two long-legged harriet daughters. But then again, hashers don’t need much to get confused. Anacondom was one of the first accused in the circle, for making two young males c*m. He was kept sitting on the ice for long enough to hopefully cool his fiery temperament. Our very own OH3 founder came out to check up on the legacy she had left and it was unknown if she was impressed.
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1176 - Aug 13/07 The Heart's Desire R*n

Hare:
  Bobbit with scouting help from Scratch’n Sniff
Way down in the deep South of Ottawa lies a forest and marsh where a number of hashers gathered to run the Heart’s Desire trail that Bobbit had set up. Returnees Just Allan and Neon Stripper tried to impress the group with their tanned legs of steel and tight bums – the one had hiked wild mountains in Eastern Europe, the other was on a one-day break from his cycling trip across Canada. Spike never made it for our timely 7:00 pm start and took Anacondom to help him catch up with hashers at the beer stop (Friar F*ck wasn’t there, so there was still some beer left). As usual, the drunkards complained that the rest of the run was too long, while the w(h)iners enjoyed running along the scenic boardwalk back to the parking lot. At the On-In, Call Girl already had her booty on offer and was also barbecuing the skewers. Some hashers raided Bobbit’s boat during the circle as the beer was getting scarce, and retrieved a second case the hare had tried to hide, so that every deserving criminal got a down-down.
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1175 - Aug 6/07 The Early Bird R*n

Hares:
  Jail Bait & Friar F*ck
A great obstacle course, including fence climbing and uphill running in the woods, which Necrobabe’s daughter – a new recruit at the RCMP college in Regina - would have thought quite fit for her training. Markings were the best ever in Ottawa Hash memory, with enough flour to feed hundreds of hungry families in other countries. Walkers enjoyed their very own leisurely trail, shouting with Friar "F**k the runners"! Pool and BBQ dinner were a real treat, the big crowd that had turned up readily forgave the hares for the run’s early start, apart from Rum Bum and Just David, who turned up after 7:00, making excuses about not knowing this holiday hash was at 6 o'clock as they happily drunk the down-down beer.
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1174 - July 30/07 The Reverse Trail

Hare:
  Wong Way
This run was a real discovery to all, being the usual trail Wong Way sets, but in reverse!! Just Shawn claimed he made Cockwench run the trail twice, since she had made him c*m and this was a hash with fortified orange juice and beer stops, instead of a marathon event to be run non-stop in just over 3 h. Several horny hashers were pretty loud on the trail and Just-little-Hunter got called by RA impromptu PJ for a down-down, for running with FRBs and checking false trails on his very first hash run. PJ sacrificed himself and drank the down-down. Food was plentiful and tasty, all the more so as it was served in a garbage bag-lined bucket.
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1168 CANADA'S FIRST NASH HASH!!!

Hare:
  Backwash, Ed the Sock, Plastic Jesus
It's too long to post here.Follow the link to read about the CANADA NASH HASH RUN.
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1164
Hare:  CockWench & NecroBabe
The pack, looking rather large, no doubt because of the gorgeous weather, formed up at Cock Wench's pool. The normal exit from here is through the back garden gate, which takes you through Barrington Park. The pack had a useful hold just beside a ball diamond, and then on through the manicured lawns and immaculate asphalt to near the corner of Jeanne d'Arc and St. Joseph Blvd. Somehow the trail passed through the Heritage, Forest Glen, Chapel Hill and Heritage Parks. There seems to be an interconnecting system of lawns and paths. Just who pays for all that lawn mowing anyway?
As I mentioned, it was a lovely evening with very few insects. Of course not everyone believed that, because at a song stop there was one enthusiastic gardener wearing an Amazon rain-forest buzz-off mosquito helmet. Four or five times on that run we were joined by hares, though not including the one assigned to set the run. Many times it looked as if it was a live hare as the pack was being deliberately led on the trail by a real live hare. The wildlife of Orleans never ceases to amaze. Speaking of wildlife, a welcome beer stop was met by the pack in the pool side garden at Necrobabe's house. A number of hounds took a swim in the pool, and Wongway was joined by Hot Flash on the trampoline for some out-of-phase bouncing.
It was the night before garbage day in much of Orleans, so on the short trot from Necrobabe's back to Cock Wench's for the on-in the temptation was great to pick up some of the many treasures that were carefully laid out. Food consisted of pasta salad and hot dogs made from brat wurst or Italian sausage: hot, medium or mild. Mr. Cockwench did the honors of keeping the barbecue burning.
The circle was conducted by Multiple Entry. Let's see, what were some of the crimes? Oh yeah virgins Just Allen, Just Dave, Just Carole, Just Tina, and visitor Lost Semen. Rum Bum for returning. Coincidentally, when Ed the Sock took over two chairs got filled with ice cubes forming ideal thrones for other sinners, namely: Spike and Necrobabe, Multiple Entry and Fat Ass, hare Cock Wench and BackWash. Perhaps there were others. So much hashing to do, so little time left to do it - - -
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1149 Grand Masterless No More

Hare:
  Multiple Entry
The Grand Master Multiple Entry returns from skiing in Austria and Hashing in Turkey, sets a humdinger of a run on a frigid Winter's night. From Connor's Gaelic Pub on Bank Street it filtered almost all the avenues from the Golden Triangle to the Glebe, to Ottawa East, crossing the great rink, not once, but twice. Dunnnnh!!
Just before the On-Out the pack got slightly smaller, (or easier to manage - - - depending on how you look at it), owing to accidental (or clever manipulation), by Ed the Sock, Fat Ass and Plastic Jesus.
Little Big Man got separated from the pack on the first check west of Bank Street. He, so he says, roamed the lonely streets of the Golden Triangle for an hour and a half, and just happened to link up with the pack at the beer check. Sure! That beer check was hosted by ME from his pick-up truck parked in a secret lot somewhere between Elgin and Metcalfe.
Back at the Gaelic Pub, notably missing amongst the down-down victims were the usual representatives of the prostate club. I guess the evening's wind-chill was enough to put a damper on that particular crime. With Pyro protesting, Peniscillin, Flounder, Peter Eater, Multiple Entry and Tinman, were given down downs as returnees. Flounder, Peter Eater and ME had just returned from a ski-holiday in Austria. Was that the Vindobona Ski Hash? Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHVXngUHUP0 for a peek. Now imagine, if you can: Peniscillin turned up all by himself for the r*n part of the evening.
At last count, stubbornly hanging on for the duration were: Fat Ass, Peter Eater, Multiple Entry, Peniscillin, Bobbit, Plastic Jesus, Pyro, Backwash, Tinman, Flounder, Little Big Man, and Ed the Sock. Tinman reports "The beer & frozen brains of the [ ] Hash raised more Hares, who will take their turns to lead us astray right into April & beyond into June."
Glory be!! Bobbit
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1148
Hares: Backwash, and Call Girl
Hounds: Friar Fuck, Plastic Jesus, Tin Man, Just Nyam, Pony Mount Her, Frodo, Bobbit, 3 Diamonds, Hot Flash, Little Big Man, Capt. Hindgrinder, Cums&Goes, Ed The Sock, and Fat Ass
Back Wash set a nice long trail through the streets and parks of the Rockliffe Village, offering plenty of opportunities to envy how the rich and powerful live. Sometimes the emotion can be puckish because at least one of the hounds went up to one, or more, of the mansions to ring the bell and run. Those of us following had to be prepared to wave good bye.
Living up to Backwash's long trail, back at the classy Schoolhouse ranch condo of Call Girl the chicken legs, corn bread, Cole slaw, tarts and many other goodies were cooking. Wine was offered with the meal, in addition to Heinekin beer. A very classy evening indeed. Can I say that everyone completed the run, - - - no, not quite: - - - Friar Fuck, 3 Diamonds, and Just Nyam, either minded the various forts or took a walking trail. There was a beer stop on Rockliffe Way, at, of course, Three Diamond's abode.
Ed the Sock and Back Wash shared command of the circle and the usual down downs were given. The prostate club got theirs for fouling trail. Three Diamonds and Pony Mount her, and I think, Tin Man got them as returnees. In particular one was to welcome Just Nyam, who, if I remember right, has hashed in several places including Winterpeg and the Chiang Mai Interhash. I think she said she has done some six runs all told. Well! Welcome to Just Nyam.
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1147 Photo to follow.
Who: Hot Flash, Back Wash, Peter Eater, Ed-the-Sock, Bobbit, Cheap Thrills, and Little Big Man.
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1146 Annual Ski-for-your-Supper hike

The weather cooperated for a lovely crisp, cold evening in the Gatineau Park, for the anal ski trek to some lodge or other keeping the pack size down to seven old faithfuls. This one was to the Huron Lodge: 6k in and out. It was a cloudless night, but also a moonless one. The stars were clearly visible, and you could see the halo from the lights of the lit alpine slopes in the distance. But the stars, and the reflected light did not illuminate the trail very well. Fortunately, these days, the immaculately groomed ski trail formed a railway track for your skis to follow into the gloom. Now and then that peculiar optical illusion becomes visible: the look that your skis are following, not the track groove, but the embankments between them, and sometimes sets you off balance for a second or two.
Hot Flash and Peter Eater outdid themselves by carrying in the spread of sloppy Joes, soft bread thins, and the trimmin's to make fahitas. Ed the Sock started a circle and promptly got a down-down for being late. Bobbit for being early, Peter Eater for getting lost, taking the round-about back-country Burma Trail route to the Huron Lodge, and in so doing, for creating extreme anxiety because he had some of the food. BackWash for vegganing out, and explaining why she became avegetarian, - - - something about killing chickens on a floor in Thailand, or something. Cheap-Thrills for being a visitor, Bobbit and Little Big Man for getting the fire going. Backwash called in Peter Eater, Ed-the-Sock, Bobbit and Little Big Man for testosterone. Peter Eater and Hot Flash: the hares, for the spread of food.
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1145 Runnin' like a Baboon in the Midnight Moon

There'a strange arrowed track in the midnight black followed by a pack so bold; The Mechanicsville streets have their secret feats That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Mechanicsville PJ set a trail few would see.
Then we left the shack with an unlocked door for the hare didn't like to crow. And the heavens scowled, and some hounds howled, and the wind began to blow. It was icy cold, but down my face sweat rolled, and I don't know why; And the greasy slick in a snotty brick went rolling down my thigh.
Run down to the trolly, our cordless folly, went BackWash, HotFlash, the pack dollies - and FatAss, Little Big Man, Flounder and Bobbeet, then Ed the Sock, all led by Jesu Pastique; Don't piss in the wind, said Bobbit to FA, you'll freeze it to rhind, and that's not jolly. To keep the pack together in this abominable weather you dream of the interhash in Bali.
Now you'll never agree that she from Paris(ee), where wine always flows with the eats. Why she left her home in La France to roam 'round the night in Mechanicsville streets. she was always cold, but the land of old seemed to reject her like a spell;Though she'd often say in her horny way that she'd "sooner live in hell".
The wind chill shocked like a blast of crock to freeze your face to a block, So Bobbitt covered his face and chin with goggles and fan to dispell the din, But the mist had frozen to a cube of hoar so thick the fan couldn't even boar So it stuck to his face half way through the r*ce. What the hell was that mask for? On a night so cold, that you freeze on a hold, not even the sisters would come,But a hearty few, would abandon their flue, knowing full well they'd become numb. The Bohemian beer that makes anyone queer, held a promise of warmth at least.
So eight went till the end, believing they'd mend, of course, on a Fat Ass feast.
B rework of RS
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1143

Beaver and Peniscillan set a trail from their humble yet improving abode, through city streets, bridges over the highway and the rural part of Ottawa called the experimental farm. There were some hills, some snow and an unannounced drop-in on a hasher who lives in the neighbourhood but was helping his kids with their homework instead of hashing. Someone needs to get their priorities straightened out.
A good run, a cold night, and hot chili at the on-in to warm everyone up.
N/A
1142 Annual Erections

I'm sure all of you non-voting wankers have been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for the results so here they are courtesy of the On Sec, Beaver with help from Knock-er-up.

GM                                             Multiple Entry
GM of Vice                                 Peter Eat Her
*On Sec                                      Beaver
Religious Advisor                       Back Wash/Ed The Sock
Song Meister                              Fat Ass
Beer Bitch                                  Knock Her Up
Hash Cash '                                Little Big Man/Flounder
*Hash Stash                               Cumikaze
Hare Raiser                                Tin Man
*Pub Bitch                                  Come And Goes
Webmaster                                 Cumikaze (& Hot Flash assisting)
Hash Flash                                  Captain Hind Grinder
Hash Trash                                  Bobbit
Haberdasher                               Peniscillan

HASH AGM 2007 “Resolutions”
1. Three new positions adopted*
On Sec (to track run stats); Pub Bitch (to convene regular pub nights); and Hash Stash (to do our “accounting work”; which basically reduces the role of Hash Cash to weekly collections of HashCash only)
2. Hash Stash should keep separate accounting for OH3 Cash and Canada Nash Hash monies
3. Hash Stash should present a balance sheet summarizing our annual expenditures at the AGM (and at Mast-head meetings as appropriate).

Prepared by: Knock-er-up and Beaver
N/A
1141

In the far, far west Capt'n Hindgrinder set his trail. Luckily he used copious amounts of flour to guide the weary hashers all the way to the beer stop when, to his horror, he realized that the walkers had cum, looked and left (with his car keys). This resulted in a dry beer stop, and event that was duly noted and punished. This unprecedented omission by the associate walker hare resulted in her being named as “Cums and leaves” although the good Capt’n should have thought about having a spare set of keys. Luckily, the on-in was handily located next to a sex shop (pink shades – nothing too good for the hash) so after the beer, circle etc., some of us, well quite a few of us, um .. most of us … decided to peruse the products … and the rest I’ll leave to your imagination.
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1140 New Year's Resolutions

Once again Fat Ass entertained us royally and reminded us of our recent sojourn in Thailand with a great feast. Our hare Backwash, contrary to previous instructions (sent out by you know who) laid the trail in the light even though she knew we would be running in the dark. Tut… tut… tut! Some of the intrepid hashers (PJ, Tin Man and Backwash) turned up in shorts and at their ritual down-down for being so stupid regaled us with far too much leg.
There was no vote but suspect that Tin Man doesn’t feel the cold because of his hairy legs. Cheap Thrills and LBM turned up late not realizing that we were having an early run. They promise that they will shortly go back to reading class.
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Email any errors, comments or updates to ottawa_hash@yahoo.ca