Hare(s):  Live Hare Mustard Balls
Where:   Studebaker's Pub and Grill, 1577 Laperriere Ave.

It was a wet and slippery night. The Ottawa Hash House Harriers had no hare so the usually-late Mustard Balls volunteered to set a live hare from Studebaker's restaurant. We gave him 10 or 15 minutes and set off on a well-marked, live trail which only crossed itself once.

            Only El Tucuche entertained hopes of catching the hare, the rest of us just wanted to get to the beer and we suspected we knew the location of said beer. Did I mention it was a wet and slippery and foggy night?

            The run through the Experimental Farm was a bit spooky and some hashers got misdirected in some trails (not quite half-brains) and thought they had to climb a fence to get out of the woods. In fact they only had to run about 20 feet to their left to get out but some like climbing fences on rainy nights. A few hashers with a full half-brain stuck to the paved trail because we figured we would end up in the same place as everyone else and we did.

            Down the metal stairs (did I mention it was a wet and slippery and foggy and rainy night?) and no one slipped or tumbled although our respectful scribe held onto to the cold, hard railing and climbed down very slowly. Yes, I am a wimp.

            And there was our destination, the top of Carlington Hill and so we climbed back up. Being hashers, did we take the straight way to the top? No, even those of us with a full half-brain followed the trail into more woods and climbed up the leafy, muddy slopes to the top of the hill.

            At this point, I must guess what happened, since I took an easy trail (wimp that I am) down through the woods, out to a parking lot and straight back to the on-in. I was accompanied by other hashers so I was not alone in my wimpy behaviour although we prefer to pretend that we wanted better beer, available at Studebaker's.  I'm guessing beer was drunk, maybe a song was sung since there were no song stops on trail, and then hashers got hungry so they headed back to the on-in.

            The food was ready as hashers straggled in, wet, cold, sweaty and hungry.  As the beer wench, I attended to my duties, bought the beer for the circle, poured some and was ready to begin, when our virgin waitress (it was her first experience with the OH3) asked me where Shredder was because he had ordered some chicken wings. We asked the hash if anyone had seen him and were reassured that he had been at the beer stop.  And then someone noticed TimBits was missing as well.

            Because we work with half a brain at the best of times (and these were not the best of times - remember it was a wet and slippery and foggy and rainy night) it  took us a few minutes to think this might not be a good thing.  Just as the idea of sending out a search party started to form, THE PHONE RANG!

            The proprieter listened for a few minutes, handed the phone to
Loosey and said "I think he broke his leg." Sure enough, Shredder had tumbled on Carlington Hill and broken his right leg, below the knee, clean through. TimBits was with him and they had called an ambulance (technology on trail can be a good thing) but the ambulance was having trouble locating them so could some of the hashers head out, find the ambulance and direct it to them please.

            We may only have half a brain collectively, but the OH3 can
spring into action pretty quickly. Several hares and harriets took off to find the ambulance (and fire truck with firemen), find Shredder and TimBits and do what they could. C*ckwench and Flounder bravely sat on the cold, wet ground close to Shredder to keep him warm while the firemen and paramedics figured out how to move him, where to take him, etc.

            Although in dreadful pain, cold and wet, Shredder remembered to ask Flounder to phone his wife and get his car home. Flounder phoned the wife and he and your faithful scribe did get the car home and brought the wife to the Civic Hospital where Shredder was awaiting x-rays and ultimately, surgery, to repair the damage. (Note to Flounder - next time, make sure the car lights go on before you head out to Merivale Road.)

            The OH3 seems to have these adventures once every couple of years or so which means we are pretty good at managing when things go off the rails - or down the hill.  Everyone's efforts are much appreciated and our GM went above and beyond in following the ambulance to the hospital to ensure Shredder was looked after. Thanks to the proprietor of Studebaker's who also went above and beyond. And several people mentioned that TimBits was great.

HOWEVER, Shredder has made history in the Ottawa Hash.  Even when Friar was lost in the woods (I know LAFFTER not OH3 but what the hell) and when Friar almost died from bee stings, the one constant of the hash carried on.  The circle was held!! But on November 22, 2010, the circle was not held. The OH3 raised its glasses to Shredder, sang a song and did a collective down-down but the circle did not happen.  This day will live in infamy. Hashers got free beer and no punishments.
OH3 will have to think of a suitable way to punish Shredder for this when he is back on his feet and this scribe thinks that the hare should share some of the punishment.  We had no chance to comment on the trail at all, and let's face it, the beer wench never misses an opportunity to pour beer for Mustard Balls.

Did I mention it was a wet and slippery night?

Canada Day Annual Red Dress Run
Hares:  Have You?,Peniscillin, Downwind, Fish Fingers
Canada Day Red Dress Bash 2010 came and went with nary a hiccup nor a wardrobe malfunction, and with only a couple of punches thrown (sorry, Kumikaze). The crowd assembled chez Downwind and primped and preened, adjusting various body parts as required to tuck themselves into the scanty red outfits that each hasher harrier and harriette donned. Nothing but the best when the Monarch is in town! Out-of-towners Weed Eater, Likes it up the Eh, Tubslut, Zephyr, Venta, and Casket Case joined the OH3 assemblage and even long-time returnee Finger-Lickin' Good made a brief appearance. Fatih Squared and Same Mistake Twice made their debut, mistakes in hand, at the Ottawa hash and if we're lucky Loosey Locket's skimpy red number wasn't enough to scare them off ' here's hoping they return in the near future. Returnees Just Mary, Likes to be Chaste, Frodo, and even Hook made an appearance at circle.

Our illustrious hares, Have You? And Peniscillin, laid a trail that took us past some incredible Ottawa sights: Rideau Falls, the Canadian Mint, Major Hill's Park, the National Gallery, (getting thirsty), to the lookout over the river, across the locks, along the river pathway below the Peace Tower (still no beer), downtown to Sparks Street, Wellington Street, and a song stop near the Hill (no beer yet), Confederation Park, Somerset bridge across the Canal (parched!) and ' finally ' to a stash of beer and a little shade. Latecummer Shredder sniffed out the beer checked and took his sweet time donning his best red number and our host Downwind wowed us with his chest enhancements and beer-chugging acrobatics. We soon set out again despite a few drops of rain, crossing the river and hitting even more highlights: Vanier, New Edinburgh, and a second beer check at the home of our absentee beercheck host Bobbit. Here latecummer Dehli Belly found HIS way directly to the beer. Back on trail... if those hares had set the trail any longer we'd have been able to celebrate the 4^th of July in the same event! FINALLY to the on-in where our gracious host and helpers had a feast prepared. Downwind's savoury delights (food, I'm talking about the FOOD) were certainly crowd-pleasers and the beer flowed... and flowed.

Circle led to a round of sins and accusations: Friar's World-Cup-like dive in the river, a worst-dressed contest, Weed-Eater drank from a shiny new shoe, and new name was chosen for the hasher formerly known as Just Heather, now Rides and Screams (NOT Sex Tourist... for now!)

The evening drew to a close with a fireworks show that lasted 15 minutes for most ... no doubt some experienced fireworks all night. Next week's circle will include a toast for Beer Bitch appreciation week - Fish Fingers and Pussarella promise to refrain from harming the beer bitch in all future circles.

The route    

The Ottawa Hash sent a team to the Cabot Trail Relay , a 24-hour race with 17 legs ranging in distance from 13 to 20 km. The organizer FiFi (A little flat chested but she's allright,) a great job res-erecting the team from nothing (FiFi is great at sucking and swallowing! ) and co-ordinating the travel, accomodations, food and etc. We are still waiting for her blurb and photos on the event (Why are we waiting, could be mast&$^ting, Why are we waiting so f$%#ing long?)  because FiFi is stil cuming over and over and over again due to how Great the event was!